Your Age is Showing

I met someone recently, a woman, 32, who was complaining about a guy she was seeing, he was 45. She wanted to know how to break him of all his childish text messaging. This seemed like a strange request because I wouldn’t expect that from someone in their mid-40’s. So, I had to see what she was talking about, she showed me and I was embarrassed for him. There was so much slang and abbreviated words that his texts read like a pre-teen twitter rant.  His entire conversation with her was immature, random and just as she explained, childish.  And this wasn’t some sort of inside joke between them because she would respond with cohesive questions and answers yet he still felt the need to sound like a MTV prank show host. Now he wasn’t this way all the time, for work he dress and spoke appropriately but whenever they needed to hang out it was Ed Hardy shirts and backwards caps.  This reminded me of a woman I saw in a department store some years ago, she had waist length bleached hair, many silver bangles, a hot pink sleeveless, tattered, cropped t-shirt and ripped jeans with some platform sneakers. She was about 55 years old. The first thing I thought was, “who is this supposed to fool?”.  Clearly she wanted to look around 25, but any man with working eyes would know she was nowhere near her 20’s. So the next question was who was she trying to attract? See, we can get away with appearing anywhere on the spectrum of our age group. So if you are 39 you can look 30, 59 can look 50. This is fine, it’s closer to how one ages anyway. But you know what doesn’t work? Someone 59 trying to look 25.

I had a friend in his late 30’s that used to tell me people always said to him that he looks 25 years old, and he had the best answer. He would then tell them, “sure I look 25, until you stand me next to one.” That is exactly right, if you are trying to date say someone with five years of your age they are aware of what that age is usually going to look like. This is true if you are trying to date someone 10 to 20 years outside of your age group as well. I am 35 and if I dated a guy in his 50’s it’s not because he looks or acts like he’s 35, because then I would just date someone who was actually 35! When someone goes that far out of their age group it’s because they are looking for something specific to that age, whether it be physical, mental or financial.

People would like to believe that age is just a number and as long as you don’t feel your age it’s as if you aren’t that age. Not quit, there are major differences in generations starting with mindset.  Now, I’m not saying people don’t adapt and grow with the times, but pretending that what is appealing or enticing to someone 21 would be the same for someone 41 or even 51 is just stupid.  Feeling young and being young are not the same thing.  Also, your age is appealing, it’s a part of you, there are experiences that brought you to this place.  Be proud you lived this long, however long that may be. Every age group has it’s perks and these are things you need to embrace. So if you’re under the age of 35, great, and if you’re over 35, also great.  The movie Benjamin Button was not based on a real person; you are not aging in reverse. Oh, and by the way, nothing makes you look older than trying to fool people into thinking you’re younger.

About iknowhowtodate

Hi, I am Christian Cavaletti, a relationship and dating coach based in Los Angeles, California. I have a BA in Psychology, over ten years’ experience in advising people on dating as well as five years’ experience in advising on marriage. I enjoy writing, especially about personal dating experiences as well as dating observations brought to me by clients, friends, and sometimes strangers. I also think I'm funny.
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