She’s not for Lease

I am not for lease.

Here is how I would describe the reasoning behind leasing a car. I know that I may want a new one in a few years. I am aware that there will be some restrictions but I’m ok with that because I am relieved at the idea that I am not stuck with it and am not committed to it for too long. Now imagine a person treating you the exact same way. Awful right? I know a woman who just got out of such a situation, but she wasn’t alone in this treatment. I have met many people that describe their relationships this way and don’t even realize that this is what is happening. And yes it is horrible because the leased car doesn’t have feelings. When it gets traded in it won’t need to recover emotionally from the treatment.  When a second car is leased even though it is still around, it doesn’t feel like it is being two timed.  But people do and it is happening all the time.  This woman was explaining that her some-time boyfriend would act like they were a couple except when he started to pull away.  Obviously at this point she would inquire about the change in behavior and be hit with the, “I never said this was serious”, response.  Now she is in a predicament because he is correct that they never had such a discussion but their constant talks on the phone, late nights, nice dinners, laughs and sex would give a very different impression as to the status of their relationship. The most confusing part would be when she would try to pull away, because this would then lead to him putting up a fight to keep her around and sometimes even a declaration of how much she means to him.

This is where we have the similarities in leasing a car.  The person calling the shots here was treating her like she was a car for lease. He clearly liked many things about her but not enough to commit long term.  The option to use her whenever he could was appealing, yet he couldn’t deny that he had an actual fondness for her too. In the end it turned out he found another “car to lease” on the side.  She eventually got tired of being a some-time type of property and got out of the relationship. But there is a great lesson here. You need to decide on how you want to be treated and take nothing short of that. If you want something long term, say that and mean it. If you want to keep your options open, say that too. But don’t try to mix the two together, because like I said, a car is not a person and you cannot have me for lease.

About iknowhowtodate

Hi, I am Christian Cavaletti, a relationship and dating coach based in Los Angeles, California. I have a BA in Psychology, over ten years’ experience in advising people on dating as well as five years’ experience in advising on marriage. I enjoy writing, especially about personal dating experiences as well as dating observations brought to me by clients, friends, and sometimes strangers. I also think I'm funny.
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